HMMMM..........................

   Life pretty much sucks. Is there an escape button?...didnt think so. but wouldnt it be better if ther was.  Maybe, Maybe not. Who evers knows what is going to happen?  NO ONE!! So dont act like you know what I want, when you have NO idea how i really feel. If I wanted you to know. I would talk to you. Do you ever think that maybe there is a reason why you dont know me that well. I will talk when I want. But dont get your hopes up..I CANT talk to you.     I dont like to talk to you.     So just leave me alone and walk away. Do what you want, but what you want isnt at all what I want.   I will talk to who I want. Who i know I can. Them are the people that keep me here. Not you. So sorry but I dont really care.

   THANKS TO ALL MY FRIENDS THAT I KNOW I CAN TALK TO!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!

Do you ever get the feeling where you just want to cry because you hope that maybe you will feel better? But you dont want to be alone, you want to be with someone you love, just so you can cry together. Im pretty sure that, that feeling sucks. BAD!! I dk. Im not going into detail. Anyway, so I dont really know what else to say other than. Life can sure suck sometimes, and when it does you dont want to go on. You need someone to keep pushing you, and if you dont completely trust that person, they can push you the wrong way.  You need someone you can trust there by your side the whole time. Then every second you spend in pain or misery is worth it for just one minute with that person.  that is what makes life worth living, is to get to spend it with someone you love. But if you dont have that one person,or you dont have trust for anyone. your life sucks and soon someone will push you so hard and its all over.

          **THRASH**

Do you ever feel like everyone is turning on you?  You think that you have figured out who you can talk to, then it hits you that you really can't. There is nothing worse than the feeling of being lied to, or that you have been tricked to tell someone you love what you have been thinking about. Then what you say is being messaged right to another person. I hate that. You really have to know ALL the way when you can trust someone. If you have that one little doubt, it will come back and bite you so hard in the butt.I have figured out this week who I can trust with what I say. And it hurts me so bad to know what I have discovered.

Do you ever feel like everything you love just goes away?  Here latley it seems like everything I love is just disappearing. Everything I know is just nothing now. I'm losing everything that made me who I am. Over the summer I lost the most wonderful person. A best friend. A person I could tell anything, and it was ok. A person I could go to when something was on my mind, and I needed to talk about it. A person who knew me so well, I could smile the biggest smile, and laugh out loud, but she would still know something was on my mind. She always knew how things made me feel.And what to say to make them better. I lost the greatest Grandma God has EVER put on this Earth. To top that off. I lost my home. My mom and dad are getting a divorce. Me and my mom moved out. Jess stays with my mom and dad. but more with dad. I am so scared for Jess!! I love him more than he knows. He is the greatest brother.I am so glad that I am a twin!! I wish that we could be closer though! I am so afraid that he is going to get in trouble and go down the wrong path. I won't be able to take seeing him in trouble. It would kill me. He means so much to me!! I wish we could spend more time together, and be closer!! My Aunt is moving to Ohio next month. I hardly get to see her now, and now she is moving farther away. I am losing everything. Me and Brackett haven't hung out ALL year and that is about to drive me insane. I could never live without my Best friend brackett!! She is so great!! Cheerleading is taking up her time and I understand that. I am busy too, but i hope that we both understand that!!

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So my life is like BLAH. I have nothing. "Oh its a new beginning". whatever. Im so tired of everything. I hate everything. I dont know what to do or what to say most of the time. I dont know what I can be honest about or what I have to lie about or keep secret. ughh. It shouldn't be this way. My life is supposed to be so great. Or I guess thats what I want.Right now my life is the opposite of great. I just want to be alone. Well actually the only person I want to be with is my Aunt Denise. She is so great. I love her so much!! I need to talk to brackett!! She is always here for me!!  [edit]..Brackett I just want to say that I am sorry that we haven't been able to hang out. I haven't been here for you through all your stuff. Im so sorry. I guess we both really need each other right now. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for you brackett. You are the best friend I have had. I'm sorry and you can call me if you ever need anything. No matter what I am doing you are first. Friends are the most important thing. Im sorry. I know we haven't been able to hang or talk much but we always know that we are always here for one another!!......

So my priorities are all out of wack. Im pretty sure my whole life is out of wack. I dont know anymore."just think about the good". wtf? how can you think about the good, when every good thing that you had is now bad. Everytime i have something good, something takes it away or I ruin it some how. I have no freakin time to be what I want or say what I want. I have to be here for her, or have to make her happy..what about me? how can i make someone else happy, when i cant even make me happy. I always have to make sure someone else is happy cause well...they are stressed or they or worried about this or worried about that?..wtf?..WHAT ABOUT WHAT I AM WORRIED ABOUT OR HOW I FEEL? i am only a person to you know. but no I am perfectly fine that my grandma is no longer here, i have no one to talk to, someone i trusted stabbed me in the back so hard i cant even freaikn see straight. My aunt jeanette is moving to ohio next month, my brother is leading the wrong path, my house that was my home for 15 year is no longer a home. my mom and dad are getting a divorce. Im  gaining weight cause i cant play sports cause of my wrist. everything is bugging me. I wish i could see my Aunt denise more often. MY LIFE SUCKS. but i am so freakin happy i cant stop smiling. I just feel like making everyone elses life so freakin great and letting mine got to crap. I just love to be fake for someone so they feel better, and they dont even give a shit about me. Excuse my language!! Anyway comment me!!

    Always smiling even when I dont want to!!

   **THRASH**

                  KENSIE ~n~ KURT!!           

Kensie and Kurt are getting married.....TODAY!!   How freakin exciting is that shat?..Pretty effin exciting if you ask me!! ha ha   but anyways. Pink and Yellow are their colors so that is why I am doing this, this way. So yeah Kensie is no longer Kensie Otisa Thrash. She is now..well will be after today. KENSIE OTISA JOHNSON!! ha ha..thats just so crazy to me. But anyways,,i am glad that she is happy!! I cant wait till the WEDDING!! ha ha..So great. But anyways, I havent been at school because I had surgery on my arm and my Doctor said that he didnt want me going to school because I am TOO heavily medicated. ha ha. But yeah..i hope i get to go next week. but i dont think I get to..DARN!! ha ha..Not really i want to go back. It is so boring at home ALL day doing NOTHING, by myself. ha ha..anyway....i dont really have anything else to share with anyone...wait..WE moved into our new house!! Its pretty cool. I havent got my room packed up yet though. so that sucks. But when I do get it, it will be SWEET!! so I guess Im pretty much out of here. i have nothing else.

     <3 yah!!

     **THRASH**

Hey!! So how is everyone? Hope good. This school year isn't all that great! *bummer* but yeah i so miss last year. It was WAY better!! Anyways..So we got our new house and everything. We are going to be moving into it next week!! YAY!! I like it!! So yeah whenever we get into it SLUMBER PARTAY!! ha ha..or just a PARTAY!! anywho..so yeah. Me and Brackett have like no hung out in a LOOONG time which is like really bringin me down. It has been so long since we have been able to do something. but maybe this weekend!! ((I hope)). I haven't went to one football game this year. wtf?.. ha ha..we have only had 2 but still. That is 2 games to many to miss. ha ha..but yeah. I am having surgery Tuesday. so maybe I will be able to do more stuff after I get fixed!! YAY ME!! ha ha..but anyways. I <3 everyone!! Even the ones that dont love me back!! (( I love them even more!!)). but anyways. I wont be able to get on here everday for a while.. well until we get our computer hooked up at my NEW house!! So until next time!!

   <3 yah!!

    **THRASH**